Master of the Multiverse
by CurrentCurrant
Summary: A parody of the famous fanfic.


**Author's note: Beforehand I would like to apologize to anyone who is offended by Jerk!Bella; I hate her too.**

* * *

In Quiet Times, _a Overboard fan fiction_

Chapter eight:

Dear Loyal Readers!

My story,

Fifty Days Overboard, has been published! It is the final book in my Five Days series: Days Returning, and I would really like it if you bought it! But that isn't the point of this A/N.

Recently I received a nasty review on one of my stories. It was posted by NotBeingMoronic, and I quote:

'There is no such thing as a cure for Queen Anne's syndrome. The way you portrayed it in the first place is a slap in the face to everyone who knows someone with the disorder, but now it's gone too far. I have read all your stories but none of them are as bad taste as this one. Please apologize, or rewrite it with a bit more research, or even put a warning in the summary! The topic isn't funny at all.'

I have some things to say to this:

1. I'm sorry, NBM, but you ARE being moronic. Of course there is no cure for Queenie's. I MADE IT UP OUT OF MY OWN HEAD. It's fiction. It doesn't have to be realistic.

2. Your entire review comes off as rude, arrogant, and unnecessary. You did not even bother to mention a single positive thing about the story.

3. You've really read all my fics? Then why didn't you review any of them?

4. Finally, I have nothing to apologize for. I wanted to use Queenie's in my story? Well, it's MY STORY. Saying I should put a warning in the summary is censorship, pure and simple.

To all my fans out there, let me tell you that NotBeingMoronic's stories aren't that great either. But since reason never gets to people like her, I say we ignore her. *places on 'blocked' list*

Sincerely yours,

Bella S. _  
Overboard_Princess_

"""

Alice Cullen considered herself the only fanfiction author who had the right to pull and publish her stories. This was less out of "look how many people said I should publish this" than the fact that the author of the _Overboard _series, Edward Masen, was her adopted brother and he had promised to publish her novellas as part of the series. Edward's priorities were, in order: his sister's happiness, his adventure saga, and NaNoWriMo.

The first book, _Almost Drowning, _came out when she was fifteen. As he published the two sequels, _Sinking Deeper _and _Treading Water, _Edward Masen became the author of the number one bestseller in the country. Ed had wanted to bring her into the spotlight with him ("Deanna's point of view was all my sister's idea"), but Alice refused. She was too shy. Or so she said. Nonetheless she stuck to writing romantic fanfic under the username NotBeingMoronic.

Most of the other authors on were very nice. The most notable exception was Overboard_Princess, who seemed to have joined the fandom merely to jumpstart her own writing career. At forty thousand reviews and two pulled-to-publish "original" works, she considered herself very important to the fandom. Alice had taken great joy in snarking about her to Edward, but she had never reviewed until "Princess" posted a story called _In Quiet Times. _

In Quiet Times

was a story where the main character of _Sinking Deeper _had Queen Anne's syndrome, a mental disorder which erased all language skills. The victim had to be re-taught how to speak, read, and write. And once they learned the language again, the syndrome struck and the victim forgot. Alice's friend Jasper had Queen Anne's syndrome. She would never forget the day when he was cut off mid-sentence, going from "I love y-" to complete gibberish.

In _In Quiet Times, _however, it was different. Princess had used the syndrome as a gimmick. The author's notes always said that she was "trying to raise awareness", but the only time it appeared was when Sterling hesitated over a word every ten chapters. There was no mention of the horror when you find you can't put your emotions into words. No mention of the uncertainty of not knowing if you friend will be able to even say "hello" the next time you met him. No mention of a parent's heartbreak in having to teach him his alphabet again, and again, and again...

And to make it worse, Princess had referred to Sterling as a "Queenie". That was like calling a human being, with feelings and desires, a written the somewhat blunt review. Now she was reading Princess's response, and she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She picked up her cell phone and dialed.

"""

Edward Masen had two cell phones: one for his rabid fans to call and one for people he actually needed to talk to. When the second one rang, he answered immediately.

"Bro, this is important."

"Is Dad okay?"

"Dad? He's fine. This is Overwank." 'Overwank' was the term when a fan did something either extraordinarily brilliant or extraordinarily stupid. Extraordinary egos were somewhere in the middle. "Where are you?"

"Nathan Hale Library."

"Wait, you're here? In Oregon? But your blog says you're in Hawai'i."

"I'm _going _to Hawai'i. Once the crazy fangirls leave."

"Well." _Note to self, Alice, _she thought. _Ask Ed if he'll take you to Hawai'i. And ask why he didn't offer before_. "Get to a computer and search 'overboard-underscore-princess'. Specifically chapter eight of _In Quiet Times._"

"""

Being a Big-Name-Author was hard. Every site you went on, somebody was jealous of your popularity and trying to bring you down. They criticized everything- your favorite type of Sterling, your defense against flamers like NBM, even the fact that you've copyrighted your fics! Trolls will stop at nothing.

Bella was in the Nathan Hale Public Library, enjoying the sight of her own book series lined up on the shelf: _Five Days Away, Days Gone By, _and _Days Returning. _None of them were as popular as the Overboard series, but it didn't matter. She was a published author. That alone made her better than eighty-nine percent of authors on . She had her books in libraries. It had even gotten mostly positive reviews. She was a success!

Bella took the last book off the shelf. Technically she already had a copy, but when she let her stepfather read it, he had taken a red pen to all the mistakes. Bella ended up burning it. Not out of shame or hatred, but because she couldn't bear to see all the red whenever she looked at it. That was the reason she had rented an apartment in Oregon, far away from him.

"Wait-is that _Days Returning_?" A man swiped the book and looked at the cover. Bella prepared to give him a snarky comment, but she couldn't believe her eyes: it was Edward Masen, right there, interested in her book! His topaz eyes flashed- with anger? Or pride?- but he smiled.

He flipped to the "about the author" page. "'Bella Swan was born in Phoenix, Arizona. She is now twenty-two years old and lives in an unidentified city in Oregon. You can follow her on twitter at overboard_princess. Hey...she looks a lot like you."

"She _is_ me!" Bella was grinning now.

He studied her. What was wrong? A long moment passed.

"Is it true this book started as fan-" Oh, right. Crow. She was screwed. Then he seemed to change his mind. "Actually, don't answer that. It's a nice book."

Thank God.

"Thank you. You're a big inspiration."

"Or so I hear." He grinned wickedly, just like in all the photos in the back of the books. "Listen. Have you ever heard of Author's Tea?"

She nodded. "That fancy Hawaiian convention that only popular girls and buttkissers get invited to?"

He laughed, snapped the book shut, and placed it back on the shelf. "Well, I'm not a popular girl, and I'm definitely not a buttkisser, but I am in charge of the guest list. See, there's an empty spot left, and I was thinking you might like to come."

"Really?"

"Really." He pulled out a business card and handed it to her. "Just email me sometime and I'll give you the details. It's all-expenses paid, so if you're free, you may as well come."

What unbelievable luck. All of it.

She had even gotten a new perception of the Author's Tea.


End file.
